What did you think? Great? Really? I could make it big in the National Shower Singing Competition?! When are the tryouts? What do you mean that’s not a real thing? Should I close this paragraph with another question? Okay, thanks for the honesty.

What do you do after a shower? Dry yourself, duh. 

Remember, this story isn’t going anywhere. I guess you don’t care at this point. Especially you, you beautiful bastard that listened to me sing. I don’t care that you lied to me about my singing. It’s okay. I lie to myself all the time.

Floss and brush. Do it in that order kids. That part is for the kids. It takes less than 15 minutes to do this and it should be done twice a day. So suck it up and do it.

Now I can’t have any more Goddamn coffee. Oh shit, are the kids still reading? Who the fuck let them read the next paragraph? I mean, this paragraph. It came out of the blue? Really? I saw it coming from a few paragraphs. I blame you.

Socks and underwear first. And look at yourself in the mirror. This is your form. This is what you want to judge yourself every day on. Yes, with the socks on. Unless you have some modelesque feet. Okay, fine, I haven’t clipped my toenails in awhile, give me a fucking break. I guess if there ever was a day to do it, it would be today. Fingernails, too. Remember, I have something really important to do later today.

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