“Tell me why you buy that shit?” she asked.

“Instead of what, Coors?” he asked.

“I mean, spend some money on yourself.”

“I’m getting drunk, I don’t want to spend money.”

“It’s piss water.”

“It’s five dollars.”



“I’m almost there.” She sipped her wine from the bottle. I reached my arm out and waved my fingers at her. She knocked back the bottle. “You know what happens when you mix alcohol.”

“I get fun.”

“You get sick, dummy.”

“That could happen. But it won’t. Now give me some.”



“You don’t beg this much for sex.”

“Because I don’t have to.”

She handed over the bottle.

“Thank you, darling.”

“Don’t try to charm me.”

“I don’t need to.”

“You can sleep on the couch.”

“Do I get the dog?”


“She’ll make her choice. Come here, Sleepy.”

“She’s not moving.”

“Sleepy, here.”

“Keep trying.”

“Want a treat? Ha, yeah, good girl. Want a treat, Sleepy?”

“That’s cheating.”

“Come here, Sleepy, and you’ll get a treat.”


“Good girl! Aren’t you such a good girl? See. She’s decided.”

“I could do the same.”

“Go ahead, try it.”

“Sleepy. Treat? Hey. Sleepy.”

“Keep going, she’ll hear you eventually.”

“Sleepy! Hey! Deaf dog! Yeah, you. Treat?”

“Doesn’t seem to be working.”

“Stop petting her.”

“I stopped!”

“Sleepy, god damnit. Come here so I can give you a treat.”

“Here, sip your wine honey.”

“Drink your piss water.”

“Oh, I will.”

“And I hope you’re enjoying it.”

“Definitely. So is my wallet.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“Love you, too.”


“Oh, come on. Say it.”

“You can’t make me.”

“I could beg.”

“Please don’t.”

“Please don’t leave my loooove hanging.”

“Don’t sing.”

“I won’t. I PRoooomise.”

“Fuck. You.”

“It’s whyyyyy you fell in loooove with me.”


“Fine what?”

“I love you.”

“Thank you.”

“Now you have to say it back!”

“I love you, too.”

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